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Worst Manifesto Ever.
When I was seven, my grandmother and my mom took me to the Akron Zoo. As we passed a huge cage filled with black birds, one of the birds yelled out, “hello asshole”. My grandmother, without missing a beat, said to my mom, “Obviously you’ve been here before”.
Walker, Texas Distraction I woke up early to get some work done, but as it turns out there are 4 back-to-back episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger on USA in the morning.
I've never seen a Chinese person at P.F. Chang's P.F. Chang's has a dessert called "Great Wall of Chocolate". There's nothing I could say to make that more racist/funnier than it already is.
The seed of Rod indeed! In a news piece on Rod Stewart's daughter Kimberly, they referred to her as an "actress-cum-model". There are several reasons why this is an odd statement, not the least of which is it contains the term "cum-model".
Is Kosar’s retirement official? Remember why the Browns got rid of Charlie Frye? In his last 21 games, Frye was sacked 71 times, compared to the league average of about 45. What's an offensive line?
Speaking of offensive lines, after the Browns moved to Baltimore, there was a guy at the Hall of Fame parade who had a sign with a picture of Art Modell next to a picture of Yitzhak Rabin, and in huge letters it said, "They shot the wrong Jew."
Brady Quinn is the answer to the Browns' woes the same way Aspirin is the answer to AIDS. I'd rather have Martha Quinn at QB
I don’t understand how they haven’t swept the Grammys I was cleaning out my car yesterday and I found a bunch of old tapes (I just got a car with a CD player last year...I'm living large). It was a curious collection: Venom, Snow, Tyrant Trooper, and about two dozen others that followed no logical pattern. And as happy as I was to have my Snow tape recovered, the real treasure was a forgotten little nugget of genius by a band called Anal Cunt. I won't bother trying to describe the sound of the band, since 99% of the people who hear them would just classify them as "awful". But here are the titles of some of the 40+ tracks that are on the tape (each song is under a minute):